i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
