So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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