My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
