And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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