so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
