On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
