I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
