Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize