If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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