this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
