My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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