Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize