The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
