I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
