Your face is a jimmy john
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
