OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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