Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
