My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
