dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
