I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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