Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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