he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
