your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
