I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
