Ambien. No doubt about it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
