This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize