the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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