we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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