I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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