I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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