He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
