what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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