I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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