Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
