i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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