I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My ass is underappreciated
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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