To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
