We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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