too bad you live with your parents still
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
