Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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