college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
