and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
