This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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