I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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