OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
