oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
