I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
