i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
