I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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