she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sobbing to NWA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
