you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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