if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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