We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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