i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
420 ftw
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
