The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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