Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
