Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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