you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
