she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
