You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
