Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
