like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
