Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
