do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
