i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize