How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
