Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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