So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
