TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry about my life...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
